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Pony, will you accept this rose?

I have a terrible confession to make. I started watching The Bachelor. I have no reasonable explanation for this besides that Jon Stewart abandoned me and I've been floating between TV shows ever since. I enjoy a little Trevor Noah, a little Jimmy Fallon, a little Stephen Colbert and a little Ben Higgins.

I know the show is killing my brain cells, but so does wine and that doesn't stop me. I couldn't stand to watch the show before because in addition to destroying my brain, I was also envious. Not envious of the process, but envious of the supposed final product: True Love.

Now that I'm head over heels in love with Captain, the show is much more enjoyable. I am no longer watching it and wondering if I should be updating my Match.com profile or applying for the show. Although this season there was a pretty cute pony in the running. She's got my vote for the next bachelorette.

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Fort Point Grand Prix: here come the rednecks and the fancy coffee

I went to my second neighborhood association meeting for Fort Point the other night. People are not happy. There is going to be a Grand Prix race in our neighborhood Labor Day weekend for the next 5 Labor Day weekends. Captain is a little happy.

The problem is that the 3 day race will take place on the actual streets that we drive on everyday. Never mind that it will take months of construction to prepare for it and then take it apart. In exchange for the inconvenience, Captain wants a free pass.

I tell Captain,

"I'll be getting out of Dodge."

"Hopefully not in a Dodge."

"Hopefully in a Toyota."

That's right, we're car shopping. Zipcar I still love you.

The other item on the neighborhood meeting docket was a new coffee shop going in under our condo window. Captain is not thrilled. I'm thrilled. Under our window isn't ideal, but the place looks like it's going to be gorgeous.

There are going to be big windows, an outdoor patio, comfy chairs and two fireplaces. That's two more fireplaces than our condo has now.

A woman tries to argue with the coffee shop man,

"There are already several coffee shops in the neighborhood including Dunkin Donuts, do you really think there's a market for more coffee?"

I'd argue that there's always a market for more coffee. Also, as much as I appreciate Dunkin Donuts, there are different types of coffee shops. Ones with fireplaces and ones without. Our neighborhood does not have any coffee shops with fireplaces.

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This guy needs to start his own Meetup group: Foreskin or against

I went to a Meetup group last night. I was hoping to make some like-minded friends or at least talk to someone besides my house plants.

I did talk to people. I'll have to try again for the friend making part. I've met the group leader once before and she's great. Everyone else was new to me.

In the middle of the discussion, the floor is opened for questions. The discussion has been very specific, so I'm hoping the questions will be specific. One guy shouts out,

"How do you feel about circumcision?

"That's a very personal decision for every family." And entirely off topic.

Not only does this guy continue to double down on circumcision, but he's taking time away from the topic we all came to talk about. More on that another time. I promise. He continues,

"I'm circumcised."

I do not care about the state of your foreskin. The moderator tries to be diplomatic,

"There are many arguments for and against. I recommend you doing research on your own time."

"One argument I heard is that if you want your child to be intellectual you'll circumcise them, or else their main focus in life will be masturbating."

Well, the supposed intellectual-circumcised correlation is not working for this guy.

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Blog New Year's resolution in progress

So as you can see, my blog's New Year's resolution is not in effect yet. I'm working on it. Some days WordPress and I are friends. Other days, I'm not sure if we're meant to be.

I'm intent on using a free platform, but with the free platforms some of the color options are limited. Pink and I have been together far too long for me to completely abandon it now. But we may have to cut back.

Too pink? Or too owly?

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Are all presents open? Good. I'm going back to bed

Being a Jew, I still can't wrap my head around the whole let's wake up at the crack of dawn to open presents Christmas morning thing.

I understand being 5 years old, being awake at the crack of dawn anyway and always ready to open presents. As an adult, it's hard to fathom why we do this to ourselves every year. Why doesn't Santa come after lunch? That's a very reasonable time. Santa wouldn't have to work the night shift and I could sleep until a reasonable hour.

I have an amazing photo of Captain and me in very sexy (not sexy at all) Christmas robes. I can't post it until it's approved. It's too soon to jeopardize my marriage.

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The things we do for our white leather couch

Captain and I don't agree about everything.

He thinks having a humidifier is important. I couldn't care less. Captain asks me,

"Doesn't the air feel dry to you?"

My nose produces enough oil for my entire body. I'd probably have to sit in a sauna before the air would start to feel dry.

The humidifier is demanding. The red light flashes all of the time. It wants more water. Never mind that Captain just gave it water 3 days ago. Also the water canisters are very large and our sink is very small. It's hard to get water in the canisters and not everywhere else in the kitchen.

As long as Captain and the humidifier want to be together and I don't have to tend to it, bring on the moist air.

Captain had to travel for work last week. I was home alone. Everything was going well until the humidifier started flashing it's stupid red light. You're thirsty, my plants are thirsty. Everyone just needs to relax. For two days I walk past the empty humidifier and ignore it.

Day three. Captain will be home soon. He'll be really happy if the humidifier is running. I decide to refill it. I get water EVERYWHERE. Maybe we don't need a humidifier if we have puddles of standing water in the kitchen.

I should've waited until the day Captain was returning because the humidifier had the nerve to run out of water AGAIN. I filled it again.

Captain gets home, glances at the humidifier and asks me,

"Did you have to fill the humidifier?"

"YES. TWICE."

He knows I'm not happy about it. He tells me,

"Thank you."

"I did it for you."

"It's not just for me. It's good for the couch too."

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My blog's New Year's resolutions: to get more active and change it's look

It's time to update the look and feel of this blog. It's looked the same for 5 years. That's a guarantee that it's out of date.

Don't worry, it'll still be good times and the URL will not change. My mom would never find it. But I'm wondering if the site that hosts the blog should change. Everyone raves about Wordpress. It does look professional, but I'm having trouble getting it to cooperate with Safari on my macbook.

I don't have any major issues with Blogger, where my blog is now. They've been a mostly reliable and decent host for 11 years. That's a lot of dating stories.

The new year is almost upon us and that's the perfect time to slim down or beef up or add more photos for that great new look. We'll see if anything changes.

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Ready for some fresh buns

Still in my jammies, but getting dressed any day now.

We went to my mom's house for Hanukkah. This is a list of some of the things Captain and I received:

• Underwear (always a winner)
• Car tire inflator (Put car in front of whatever you're giving Captain and you won.)
• A big book
• Chocolate
• Apples
• Oranges
• Pears
• Swiss cheese
• A lot of hot dogs

If you're still looking for something to get us, we could use hot dog buns.

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You're right, I'm still in my jammies

My only excuse for not blogging more often is a shortage of material. I have plenty of time. I have the kind of time that makes me think,

'Maybe I should get a bar job so I have something to blog about.'

Another thought that has crossed my mind,

'I could write a really really long blog, like 200 pages long, and see if someone or myself will publish it.'

In theory this sounds great. In practice it ends up with me in my jammies, on the couch until 3pm, surfing the net for cat videos.

Captain says,

"You could go somewhere else to write."

Yes, somewhere without Internet. Maybe a dive bar.

Captain is excited about the whole venture. He wants me to work on the long blog. He tells me,

"You should try this at least once."

At this point I'm running out of excuses.

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