Do you want my clothes on or off? Make up your mind

I completely forgot to tell you: when I went through airport security in Boston it was like upside-down day.

I get home from work at 3am. My flight is at 7am. I decide that an hour of sleep is better than nothing. That happens very quickly and I head to the airport. By 6am I'm standing in line at security. I've worked all night and had one hour of sleep. I'm a little out of it. My ticket and license haven't been checked yet. A TSA security person demands,

"Stick out your hand."

I do it. This lady could tell me to take my pants off and I would obey out of sheer exhaustion. She scans my hand with some strange gadget, sticks it in a machine and tells me,

"You're all set."

It was a good decision to wash my hands.

I reach the point where you put everything on the counter to go through the x-ray machine. I start to take my shoes off and take my liquids out of my bag. A TSA security person screeches at me,

"Leave everything in your bag and keep your shoes on."

With one shoe in hand I stare at this crazy person. He repeats himself,

"I said leave your shoes on."

Yeah, I know. Don't get feisty with me buddy. I'm just running on twelve years of routine here. I've had no sleep and the words you are saying don't make sense.

I start to put my shoes back on. He yells at me again,

"Don't put them back on. You might as well leave them off now."

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