I will never understand why I need a sheet over my lap so I can't see my lady bits and the doctor can. I hang out with my lady bits all the time.
The sheet does not help me pretend that this strange, awkward event is not happening. All it does is create a mystery voice rising up from between my legs.
The doctor picks up the speculum the nurse has selected for her. She declares,
"Oh we don't need this small one."
"We don't?"
"Are you sensitive?"
Aren't most lady bits sensitive? The doctor tries again,
"Do exams usually cause you pain?"
"No."
"Great." She pulls out the biggest speculum I've ever seen. Should I plead mercy now or wait and see? She waivers,
"We don't need this big one."
"Phew." Who needs that big one?
We settle on a medium one. She asks,
"The nurse didn't give you a sheet?"
I'm sitting on the sheet. One of these days I'm going to have the balls to say that my lady bits don't mind if I watch. I pull the sheet out from under my butt and hand it the doctor.
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